She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
