Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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