dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
