Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
