Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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