??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
