WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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