Just fell off a train. Bad.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
