remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she told me i tasted like america
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
