we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
