Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you will always have a special place in my vag
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
