My liver just broke up with me...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize