When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
