i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
