The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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