My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
