Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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