Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
