Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
