I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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