dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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