on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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