I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
