I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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