I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
