my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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