I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize