Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
