don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
