Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
