Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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