I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
