Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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