I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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