I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
