I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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