One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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