i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
