dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I need a beard to bite.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
