One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
