My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
