I can text with my tongue
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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