so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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