i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
