its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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