guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
