youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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