but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This is the high leading the old right now
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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