so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
