He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
not ubering you a puppy
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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