If that was your dad, he is hot
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Pooping to opera.
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