I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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