Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
