I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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