Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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