i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
