Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So squirting runs in the family.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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