I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
