just survived the first fart of the relationship.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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