Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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