i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
