I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize