I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
