and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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