My hair reeks of homosexuality.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
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I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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