You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
