Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
