You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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