I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
