We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
