Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
