ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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