I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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