She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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