Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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